Post-Birthday

I'm 22. I haven't graduated from university. I don't have a full-time job. I live with my parents. Am I considered a loser?

I love to sing and I love to be artsy-fartsy. Yet I work in the financial services industry. What am I doing?

Life seems to get progressively more complicated as I get older. I wish I could just skip the next 30+ years and enjoy retirement because I feel a little overwhelmed with decision-making at the moment. What am I supposed to study when I go back to school (whenever that is)? I wish I had a life manual that could tell me exactly what to do. It'd be awesome if I could just flip through the pages and know everything in advance.

I guess you could say that God is my life manual. But, He's so hard to read. How does he know everything about me, when I don't even know who I am?

¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Comforting words, but He doesn't stop speaking there.

¹²Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

Until just recently, I've never read past verse 11. In my opinion, verse 13 sounds like a challenge to me, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. Sometimes, I feel like I'm spiritually blind/deaf because I've never seen nor heard God. I think I'm finally understanding that it's because I've never sought God with all of my heart.

I'm the type to protect myself when it comes to relationships. It's hard for me to give my whole heart to someone because I'm afraid of getting hurt. But, I think it's time for me to change. To break free of my fear. God is good and I know that He will never harm me.

My goal this year is to seek Him with my all of my heart and to love without holding back.

Dolce Far Niente

I can't believe my last blog post was when it was still snowing in February. I missed two entire seasons... TWO. I can barely remember Spring, so I can't even give you guys a recap.

Summer's still fresh in my memory, but it wasn't really extraordinary. I mean, there were definitely some fun moments, but most of my summer was mundane and full of routines. From May to August, I juggled 3 jobs: Mexx, Starbucks and Home Trust Company. I worked 9-5 Monday-Friday at Home Trust and then I closed at Mexx and Starbucks in the evenings, usually over the weekends. I missed many birthdays and dinners because of work... I basically had no social life.

To all of you that think I'm a huge flopper:
I'm sorry for not being a good friend; for not making myself available for you guys; for choosing work over something that was important to you.

I was trying really hard in the first half of summer to pay off my debt from school, credit cards, and irresponsible spending habits, but I got a little carried away. My dad influenced me a lot with my decisions because he encouraged me to focus on working and making money. And here I am, still working 3 jobs and trying to get out of 2 of them. To tell you the truth, I'm scared to quit because I'm scared of my dad. But I need to, in order to find rest and strength, to find beauty in the simple things of life, and most importantly, to spend more time with my other dad... you know, God.















Dolce far niente. The sweetness of doing nothing.

Love-Hate

When I was younger, Winter used to be my favourite season because:

1) It made me look forward to Christmas,
2) It made me look forward to my birthday,
3) Snow days meant NO SCHOOL!
4) I loved making snow angels and snowmen : )
5) Snow made everything look pretty.

However, over the years, I've come to dislike snow and Winter altogether. What had once looked beautiful to me, now looks bleak and depressing. When did this change in perception occur?

I remember taking this photo in the Winter of 2006-07. It was the beginning of the first snow storm of that year, and for some reason, I wanted to capture the moment. I can't imagine camera-whoring outside in the snow at this moment in time. I can't stand the cold anymore and besides, my dad took my camera to Panama City.

I cannot express how jealous I am of my parents right now. They're basking in the sun, enjoying 30^o+ weather with their closest friends. I wish I could be doing that right now, but unfortunately, I have midterms to write. Sigh.


School is just awesome, isn't it?
(I'm being sarcastic)

Anyway, there's so much that I don't like about Winter, it's not even funny. I don't know how it's possible to love something so much and then downright hate it afterwards. Where is the love?

I can't wait until Summer.

Stressed backwards is Desserts

I just binged on brownies.
Yes, brownies.

Ah, they were moist and chocolatey -- but not too sweet -- made with real milk chocolate chunks for some extra texture. Drool.

Why must I have a sweet tooth?



So that I can enjoy these suckers. Mmm.

Lately, I've been in the baking mood. Maybe it's because of Valentine's Day or because it's Reading Week and I have nothing else to do than to indulge and satisfy my cravings. It's probably the latter.



I baked these for my Valentine. I wish I could've iced the cupcakes much better. I need to start making my own icing. I guess I'll start next time, and I always tell myself that.

Anyway, I've realized that Valentine's causes unnecessary stress for men. It's just another day. No need to whip out your wallet and buy Tiffany & Co's or LV bags for your girlfriend. There are 364 other days to do that (lol). I think I'd be even happier if I received flowers, chocolates, or anything else on a random day like March 2nd, rather than having expectations to receive something on February 14th because it's a so-called holiday.



But, then again, flowers are always nice : )

Addicted to Your Love

After being an avid reader of romance novels and films, I've become quite the hopeless romantic. I often dream about finding true love like Leo and Kate in Titanic (except for death being involved) and the passion that they share.

As farfetched as I sound, I believe that true love exists.

You may disagree with me, especially if you're a cynic when it comes to love, but I'm going to continue to dream, believe, and pray that the day will come when I find it.

I'm not saying that I believe in love at first sight, nor am I saying that other types of love are not "true." I'm just saying that I want to experience a love that lasts for a lifetime, one that doesn't burn out, and has no compromises; a love like my Father's, unchanging and steadfast.

To clarify myself, I'm not in love. In fact, I've never really been in love. I'm still trying to fathom the fact that someone could even love me. I think once I truly understand God's love for me, I'll be able to experience love like never before.

... for He is love.

The Goodlife

I've been slacking with blog posts, I know.

The truth is, I haven't even been that busy... just lazy.

So, just to give you a little update of what's going on in my life: I've joined the gym!

It's been pretty good, so far. I went 4 times last week, twice this week already (since Monday), and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Physically and mentally.

Hopefully, I can work on my diet, too. It's so hard when you have friends that want to eat wings, Chinese food, and BK at night. And, when you go drinking every weekend haha. I need to consume more wisely.

I've already lost most of my 'relationship weight' which is awesome, and I hope I can keep this up, since I impulsively signed a one-year contract!
How foolish of me.

Sweet Dreams

I had a weird dream last night.

First of all, I had a white dad and a little sister, when I'm clearly Korean and I only have brothers in real life. In my dream, there were evil men who were trying to kill my family because apparently my dad knew some crazy dark secrets. In their attempt to kill us, the men set fire to our house when we were all asleep. Somehow, I woke up and sensed that something was wrong, so I grabbed my sister and we escaped from our house through a secret passageway in our basement. The passageway took us to a lake and from there, we rode a raft to the other side. I can't remember exactly what happened next, but I know that the men caught up to us and I spent the rest of my dream running for my life with my sister.

What the heck?! Dreams are weird. I wish I could interpret them because I spend a lot of time thinking about them throughout the day.