Post-Birthday

I'm 22. I haven't graduated from university. I don't have a full-time job. I live with my parents. Am I considered a loser?

I love to sing and I love to be artsy-fartsy. Yet I work in the financial services industry. What am I doing?

Life seems to get progressively more complicated as I get older. I wish I could just skip the next 30+ years and enjoy retirement because I feel a little overwhelmed with decision-making at the moment. What am I supposed to study when I go back to school (whenever that is)? I wish I had a life manual that could tell me exactly what to do. It'd be awesome if I could just flip through the pages and know everything in advance.

I guess you could say that God is my life manual. But, He's so hard to read. How does he know everything about me, when I don't even know who I am?

¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Comforting words, but He doesn't stop speaking there.

¹²Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

Until just recently, I've never read past verse 11. In my opinion, verse 13 sounds like a challenge to me, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. Sometimes, I feel like I'm spiritually blind/deaf because I've never seen nor heard God. I think I'm finally understanding that it's because I've never sought God with all of my heart.

I'm the type to protect myself when it comes to relationships. It's hard for me to give my whole heart to someone because I'm afraid of getting hurt. But, I think it's time for me to change. To break free of my fear. God is good and I know that He will never harm me.

My goal this year is to seek Him with my all of my heart and to love without holding back.